Interlude III

So finally, three days late, I get to write this blog post. Hooray.

This chapter was the first one I ever planned out in detail - the Doctor finally explaining why he and the Master have always had such a convoluted relationship. The End of Time (however many years ago it was) brought this backstory straight into my head, and for me there were enough hints in their dialogue through the years to make this completely within the canon. The Doctor was always considered a failure and an outcast by his own people, as was the Master. It would only be natural that they were drawn to each other, and that it would turn into something else.

It is such a relief to get this story out there at long last. It has been sat bubbling in my head for years.

The Master's canon has had a few continuity problems over the years, but I have to admit that my main fandom - as great as the old episodes were - was always with Christopher Eccleston and David Tennant. I grew up watching them, and so I prefer to use the story that Russel T. Davies gave him. It also gives some substance to someone who could otherwise have just been considered 'evil', which in my opinion, he never ever was.

 This really is the crux of the story - a story that has been in the background of the Doctor's life since childhood. Like a mystery story, I've been dropping hints about the nature of this relationship right from the first chapter, but perhaps they will only start to become apparent now. If you decide to go back and read the previous chapters (which - if you don't - I wouldn't blame you), little things may start to jump out at you that seemed unimportant at the time, but actually were written with huge significance in mind. It was the only way I could think to frame the story I'm trying to tell. It also makes some of the interactions they have in the show a bit more telling. I always thought there were several layers to everything they said. Having known each other for nearly a millenium (from the Doctor's side), of course there would be more in everything they said than what it appeared to be. That phonecall becomes much more telling. While, of course, it retains the basic 'enemies trading banter' layer, there's more at work there than that. Look back at it (I believe there's a youtube version) after this interlude, and you'll see what I mean. It also explains why the Master has always had such a Doctor fixation, even pre-reboot.

Just bear in mind that there are always several (sometimes conflicting) reasons for the way they interact - both conscious and subconscious. You can't say that this relationship is clear-cut and simple to understand, because if it was... well... they wouldn't be the Doctor and the Master.

I wanted to keep the Doctor's description of their history fairly broad, since one of the appeals of Doctor Who in general, and Gallifrey in particular, is that it's mysterious. While we get a few glimpses of the Citadel, and the Doctor describes a little in Gridlock, nobody wants to get bogged down in the details. Hopefully the Doctor explained just enough to get Jack to understand, while leaving enough open for interpretation.

Yes, Mummy liked the Master. I didn't just dump that in for fun, by the way - there is a reason for it. Also, it gives a bit more substance to her decision to vote against the Council: she realised that not only was it putting her son in danger, but it would (or already had) ruin his and the Master's lives. That moment of realisation must have been heartbreaking.

Besides, in my experience mothers do tend to like bad boys, which - let's be honest - the Master probably was. How could he be anything else?

The naming thing... well, that comes back to the phonecall again. There's a lot of conflict in the canon about the naming of Timelords, but in the RTD era it was always implied that it was a rite of passage, just like staring into the Vortex was. It's just a personal opinion, but I like to think that the Master chose his name partly because he was already on the descent into madness, but partly because he wanted to irritate the hell out of the Council. 

We've had a lot of deep thought processes and dark moments recently. Being faithful to the style of the show, we needed a bit of comedy. That section about chips was really fun to write. There was a bit that had to be cut out, due to length, the dialogue of which went something like this:

"I like chips. Chips are good."

"What, they run out of bananas today?"

Jack: "Do you ever eat anything else? How are you not ridiculously fat?"

"Well I run."

"By choice?"

"Now that is a good question. If I ever find out the answer, I'll let you know."

It's a shame, but sometimes length is important (no pun intended) and this interlude was already rather long.

Also, let's just appreciate how sneaky the Doctor can be, and the fact that he actually cares about what Jack's been through lately. He didn't just go to Cardiff on a whim.

"What, did you marry him or something?"

I apologise for the teasing. Apparently writing the Master means that some of his psychosis has leaked out into my brain. I couldn't resist - and neither could the Doctor. Reading that little section back still makes me smile.

I also honestly believe that if it had been something as 'simple' as marriage, the Master would have killed him already. Does that make sense? Probably not, but then sometimes neither does the Master.

I didn't really want to have to write that section about the 'r' word, but in the end I suppose it needed clarifying. I've been quite vocal about the subject in the blog, but it was still lingering in the air around the fic, and I wanted that out of the way before we went any further.

Comparing the Master to Gray is something that leapt out at me quite recently, but they make an interesting parallel, and it allows us to put the Master's madness into context, rather than concentrating on him as simply 'the bad guy'. Taken out of semi-mythical Timelord status, who is he at heart? Why is he the way he is? And comparing Gray and the Master; Jack and the Doctor, who did the worse thing?

Obviously we're going into deep morality here, and there is no right or wrong, but it's an interesting idea to think about. Or maybe I've just spent too many hours doing literary research, and I'm thinking too deeply about it. In any case, hopefully to comparison to Gray will put the Master in a slightly different light for some readers.

 Link to the chapter is HERE

The burning of Japan, as a section, is now my favourite. We've moved out of the dark, and ours and Jack's understanding of everything is starting to come into the light. While the Master should still be considered dangerous, insane, violent and potentially murderous, we're starting to get into his motivations a little bit more - as confused and twisted as they can be. While attempting to rationalise everything he does would be ridiculous, we're getting a sense of his - as the Doctor said much earlier - 'essence' (because we already know it still exists, even if 'Valiant' Doctor isn't sure). There is still much left to be discovered though, so keep your eyes peeled, and what I consider the absolute key to his personality will only be revealed close to the very end.

While I can't estimate how many more words there will be in this story, plot-wise we've reached the half way stage. It seemed about time that the Doctor began to explain, so that we could make sense of what we've seen, and start to look a little more thoughtfully at what comes next.

 The next section will be taking us into familiar territory for the Doctor. He needs a chance to stretch his legs. This is - after all - still Doctor Who: as weak a position as he's being forced to operate from, the Doctor is still the Doctor, and the story needs to play out as much like an episode as possible (because in my head, what I'm writing is simply an unaired... um... slightly more adult-oriented episode). This means that there will be no sex scenes for a while; however we will get more of a glimpse into the Master's - and the Doctor's - minds, and the way they interact.

There's a few bits in the next section that I am looking forward to immensely in my own strange little way. Again, telling would constitute spoilers, but trust me - there is quite a bit more epic drama on the way, and the Doctor's motives in showing Jack this story are maybe not what they seem.

And music... the two songs that always remind me of this part of their story are:

How to Save a Life - The Fray
Somewhere only We Know - Keane

There's also a piece of music from the Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban soundtrack that makes me think of their history. It's called A Window to the Past, and was used rather a lot when I was planning this chapter. 

Music tastes matter in these things, so they may not be your cup of tea, but I'm fairly eclectic when it comes to music, and my inspiration comes from strange places.



AND AGAIN

Thank you so much for the support so far - today Lost Boys reached 15,000 views, not counting the views on AdultFanFiction. I'm not just saying this because I'm expected to, but - really, thank you. You really do have no idea how much it all means.


I am now back on hiatus until mid-January. Once more, essays need to be written. I really did want to get the Christmas Day (on the Valiant, that is) memories out of the way, but that section is important, and I don't want to rush it. Well... I suppose they're all important, really, but you know what I mean.

In the meantime, if you want to contact me I'm always available. You can PM me on fanfiction.net, leave me a review, or comment or email me here. I will always reply - it's great to talk to other people who love Doctor Who as much as me.

Until January then,

Turkaholic

Vaguely Story Related Festive Stuff

I was hoping to have gotten a little further in the story by now, so that the Master could say this for me in his own bitterly sarcastic, mocking way; however due to the nature of writing, and the nature of real life (which, unfortunately, tends to carry on despite my best efforts to stop it), I will have to say this myself:

Merry Christmas.

The next chapter is currently half-written on my laptop, but it's currently 1:45AM on Christmas morning, and if I attempt to finish this now, I could ruin it. That won't do - this interlude is pretty much the crux of the whole story, and it needs to be as good as I can make it. Much of the Doctor's speech in this interlude has been growing for years in my strange little head.

Ever since The End of Time was first broadcast (I grew up with David Tennant as my first Doctor, and the end of that episode had me - as a tough, angry teenager - in tears for both characters), this story has been evolving, and this scene is one of the first that I began to plan in detail. Of course, I first imagined it taking place with Donna in the place of Jack, but oddly enough I'm beginning to think that Jack really was the better choice (and not just because of the male romance - you'll see what I mean when the chapter is up).

 It will now probably be Boxing Day (the 26th to all you non-Brits) before the next chapter is possibly up. I have a pair of young nephews who accidentally leaked to me that their mum has brought me a laser screwdriver for Christmas (I love collecting stuff), and both of them having sonic screwdrivers of their own, they've told me it's my duty tomorrow to chase them around the house all day, laughing manically and trying to shoot them with it.

I really am a big kid at heart.

Have a great day, everyone - whether you have Christmas where you are or not.

Chapter 38

Again, there is more going on in the Master's head right now than meets the eye. Thankfully, the next scene is an interlude, and finally the Doctor will begin to explain why they interact in the strange way they do.

Forehead kisses. Forehead kisses are a thing. Timelords have a thing about foreheads, in my opinion: just see the shower scene for what I mean, and look at the way the two of them interact in the building site in The End of Time. Of all the actions in this chapter, and all the things the Master said, that apparently random kiss is one of the most important things he's done so far.

 If I talk too much about what just happened, then I'm going to spoil the interlude, so I'll leave it here for now. That last sex scene, however, will be the last one for a while. We have an overarching plot to deal with, and Jack and 'Future' Doctor have some stuff to get through before the end.

Thanks again for all the support - I've needed it these last few chapters, knowing where it was heading (Caring about the characters you write is a double-edged sword sometimes). Let me know if you're enjoying what you read? It would be a huge boost to hear.

You can find the new chapter HERE

Chapter 37

The Doctor and the Master's sex scenes have a lot of layers to them. Seriously. I don't know whether all of them come across on the page, but when I write them there's a vast amount going on, and not all of it is about the sex itself.

Normally, when the Doctor and the Master are... intimate, it's almost about recapturing something they've lost (the shower scene is an excellent example of this being actually shown). While that's still true here, this is more about who they are now - who they've become since the Doctor ended the Time War, and the Master became... lost?

I don't just write sex scenes for the hell of it - this scene had a point which hopefully you picked up on. If not, then let me remind you of something the Doctor said to Jack just before the first sex scene:

'Like opposite poles of a magnet, we attracted.'

Obviously, there are more layers to what just happened than that, but that is a main point of the scene.

Lots of what I'm writing is subtle - there's a very delicate balance between the two of them which I hope I've been capturing adequately. Even the small facial expressions - the flickers in the Master's eyes, or the twitch of his lips - have a huge significance. They all come with an internal dialogue (that I'm not going to share... unless you ask me).

Let me also make something clear: the Doctor is not your cliched, 'average' bottom. The only reason he ends up there is because the Master by this point would never let him top. It doesn't really make a difference to the Doctor which position he's in, but the Master has... well, to call them control issues would be a bit of an understatement.

 Both of them have issues, some of which will be addressed very shortly. The next chapter will be the last before the interlude. It will not take us to a happy place, but it will (hopefully) give a few more hints as to the Master's incredibly twisted mind, his feelings towards the Doctor, and just how emotionally stunted he is (sometimes I hate him as much as I love him).

Also, let me just remind you of how much of a hero the Doctor is being: he's been confused, pelted with insanity and mass-murder and trauma and his brain is still actually functioning enough to care about the Master, the Earth, and Martha.

Bravo, good sir. Bravo.

Chapter 36

I've never had to review a sex scene before. This should be interesting...

I always have trouble with sex scenes, especially with this pair. The Doctor may be bottom, but in my head there's a really weird sense of equality in their sex scenes. It's difficult to explain.

 The Master could have done anything to the Doctor on board the Valiant, but the fact is that he didn't. There was no torture, no rape (I won't even contemplate the idea, it would take the Master beyond sympathy), and while he might have lashed out occasionally, there were reasons for this (insanity being one of them). I honestly don't think that the Master is capable of that kind of personal violation (his really dark side is all about spectacle). I'm hoping after the next interlude, the power balance between the two will begin to make more sense.

Clothes. Clothes are a pain. Trying to get them off in a realistic way is a chore, especially when neither the Doctor or the Master are in any fit state to deal with undressing. Hopefully I handled it fairly well.

Another point that gave me trouble was... ah... preparation. Like I said - both of them are pretty much frenzied in this scene. The only thing I could think of was the Master using his own... uh yeah.

I do research my sex scenes - the technical side of it, anyway. I have it on excellent authority that... that word (I hate it) is a very good lubricant. One thing about the Master - he may be a human-hating mentally unstable egomaniac, but for many many reasons - he doesn't want to cause the Doctor that kind of pain; not in those moments, and not in that way. (Again, the Doctor will be explaining a bit very shortly).  

I omitted the word because I hate it. Seriously, if there is a word that is sure to detract from a sex scene, it's that. Precum. Oh... ugh. Why isn't there a nicer way to say it?



I honestly cannot think of anything else to say about this - the actions should speak for themselves just this once.

 As an aside, this is the song I was listening to while writing this scene. Normally their sex scenes need something a little more calm, but this is sex on the Master's terms, in the Master's psychologically twisted world. I needed something a bit dubsteppy. (The words have nothing to do with what's going on in the scene, by the way. I intend to post a full playlist here at the end of the story.)

Anyway, thanks for looking, and hopefully we'll be coming to the final chapter of this set of memories some time today or tomorrow.

Chapter 35

I had to literally work myself up to writing this scene. At my very heart, I am a lover of fluff, and writing the Master and the Doctor those fluffy moments are few and far between (though they are worth it when they come around).


This scene is - in some ways - one of the most important so far. How to explain without spoilers? There are so many aspects that it's difficult to say.

The Master has his own motives, which will for once be explained by the Doctor in the next interlude. Suffice to say that this is him at his absolute worst (as far as the Doctor is concerned) - vindictive, childish, and spiteful.

While he might attempt to kill the Doctor, or occasionally lash out with the odd inappropriate backhander across the face, he respects the Doctor in a very odd way - he is, after all, a fellow Timelord (the only other Timelord at this point), and not another filthy ape. Their history also goes some way towards protecting the Doctor from the Master's absolute fury.

 The Doctor, however, is also at his worst in this scene - we've seen shadows of it in him before - for example in The Runaway Bride when he stood watching the Racknoss drown and Donna had to practically slap him out of it. This is the side of himself that the Doctor has been scared of all along, and if there's one person who can pull it out of him, it's the Master - the person who is both a reminder and a temptation of it.

The burning of Japan has been leading to this moment. This is a huge turning point in the story of the Year that Never Was, as well as a turning point in Jack's (and our) understanding of that relationship. While they do honestly still love each other (I don't know why I still make that word so small - it should be painfully obvious by now) that connection between them is sort of more complicated than that.

There are some aspects of this chapter that I am absolutely in love with. There are bits of dialogue here that have been in my head since the story began to grow:

"Because I really do have a secret... I know you."

The Master and the Doctor often do echo each other's words (For example 'It's not fair!' - spoken by the Master at the end of Last of the Timelords, and by the Doctor at the end of The End of Time.), and there was a line in Last of the Timelords, spoken by the Doctor, that always bothered me:

'Because I've always had the greatest secret of all... I know you.'

It felt like we were hearing one side of a conversation - one that had obviously taken place while the characters were 'off-camera' on board the Valiant. This scenario simply sprung to mind every time I watched it.

"I win... I WIN!"

Again, we're echoing Last of the Timelords. The Master - let's face it, can be ridiculously childish. You do not sit in the Prime Minister's office, drinking brandy and watching the Tellytubbies unless you are just a teensy bit childish.

Basically, this is the Master and the Doctor at their most feral and furious. We're beginning to come back to some stuff that was said in earlier chapters here:

"It hurt... it still hurts."   "Of course it does."

"On some level I think I wanted the door to open, so that I could pour all my rage and grief into him."

"It wasn't him I was afraid of... I was scared of myself."

"Oh Doctor, and you think we're so different."

(Those quotes may not be verbatim - I can't remember what chapters they're in).

The Master has known since the phonecall that this side to the Doctor existed - it's something they share. So why bring it up after two months? That will have to wait until the next interlude.

That's it for now. Once again, thank you so much for your support. It really does make a difference.

I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up, but hopefully within the next few days. I'd like to get onto the next memories before Christmas is over.

Until next chapter, 

Turkaholic. 

Apologies, explainations, and a mid-fic ramble.

I just wanted to apologise for the delay - I am literally writing the next chapter at the moment, however the burning of Japan has been leading to this scene, and trying to write it well is a bit of a task.

 I refuse to abandon this story, no matter how tough it gets. Oddly enough, it means quite a lot to me, but I choose every word very very carefully, and trying to capture the characters (especially in this scene) is time consuming and grey-hair inducing.

 I'm hoping to have the next chapter up by the 17th, but that depends on whether it gets rewritten (as important chapters tend to do, with me) and other real life events. In any case, I wanted to just say thank you for the continued support, and remind you that this is not abandoned.

 Once this scene is over, I (or, at least, the Doctor) finally get to share some important stuff - stuff that I've wanted to share since I first watched The End of Time and this story began to form in my head. Not all the answers will come out - there are some things that will be held back until nearly the very end (even if it is frustrating holding on to them), and some stuff that will only make sense in the Epilogue (which I'm so excited about).

Due to the really bizarre nature of the Doctor and Master's relationship, some things will have to be explained in the author's note at the end. I am not a perfect writer, and the only way you could completely understand would be for me to write the Master's thought processes, which would be a truly terrifying 'stream-of-consciousness' that would make Virginia Woolfe look like Harry Potter. The Doctor will attempt to explain somewhat eventually, but a full explaination of the character - or at least my interpretation of him - will have to wait until the end.

 Timelord love is difficult to write; trying to explain it without ruining the plot is even more difficult. 

 I have only these suggestions: read between the lines, listen to 'future' Doctor, use Jack's eyes. Look at what is and isn't done, and what is and isn't said. This is a puzzle in the shape of a fanfiction, and it needs you to remember what happened in the show as well as what happened in previous chapters.

And... things in the early chapters should only now begin to make sense.

Timey-wimey, wibbley-wobbley. That is the only reason that I can give for the way this has been written.

I would estimate we're about half way through now. Trying to write the entire year day-by-day would make me as insane as the Master, and the Doctor has his motives for picking out only the important bits. 

If you haven't worked out why yet, then I'm a really terrible writer. 

You're welcome to message me on Fanfiction.net or here. If you've got any guesses about certain stuff you can ask me (I won't post spoilers in public, but I'll be happy to tell you in private, and I'd love to hear what people are guessing). 

Now I have to face the horrors of writing this next chapter. While there's nothing truly harrowing in it, there's a part of me that desperately wants to write them with copious amounts of fluff. Unfortunately, these two come with a certain level of trauma attached.

Chapter Thirty Four

Update: I would just like to say a huge (and I mean HUGE)...

THANK YOU

 Lost Boys has just reached over 10,000 views. I am absolutely stunned by all the support and interest that my story has been given.Well, I suppose it's the Doctor and Master's story, really, but still. 
 When I first started writing it, I had no idea that it would find such support. I just wanted to write the story as I'd always imagined it, but seeing that other people are interested has given me such a fantastic boost. 
 Sometimes I struggle with self-belief, I don't mind telling you. I think it's a general disease that comes with being a writer, but sometimes it can be crippling. Hearing from other people...seeing that they're enjoying what I have to say is the only antidote that could possibly work against it, and you've done wonders for me, you really have.
 So once again, I say: thank you. Words are sometimes not enough, but hopefully this will go some way to letting you all know how much I appreciate it.


Now... back to the chapter review.

Sometimes I need Jack and the Doctor to clarify things. Also, it's nice to have foreshadowing (is it foreshadowing if it's already happened? Sometimes I confuse myself) to remind us that there is more to the story than just the Valiant.

We're finally beginning to get a sense that there is more to this story than just a simple retelling of events. A few revelations are just around the corner (in the next interlude, which I'd estimate is about 3 chapters away), and there's one very big moment coming for the Doctor in the next chapter. There is one hint in chapter thirty-four of the nature of it, but I think I'll leave you to wonder for a bit longer...

Jack has been struggling to understand for quite a while. It's not that I think he's stupid, but unless he's in the Doctor's head there's no way for him to understand yet. The reader has the added extra of getting a glimpse into the Doctor's thought processes, so maybe we don't struggle quite as much.

 As someone said in the reviews - Jack is like the ambassador between the reader and the Doctor. He asks the questions that I think we'd like to know the answers to. At the same time, I hope I'm getting him in character. Jack is a fabulous, cheeky, and just... gloriously fun character to work with. At the moment he's just asking questions I know, but it's in the interludes and the scene breaks that he springs to life.


And so... once again I go on hiatus. I have essays to write and real life to deal with.

 In the meantime, please let me know what you think. Whether that be in the shape of reviews, messages, likes or comments here. Every single one is appreciated, as you should all know by now.

 Oh, and one final piece of advice before I go:

 Always bring a banana to a party.

Chapter Thirty Three

This chapter has been giving me a headache for about a week. There were several ways it could have played out, but in the end the handcuffs needed to come off. For one reason, the Doctor would never have allowed the Master any closer while he was tied up, staring out at the destruction of Japan (to let it happen would be out of character, no matter what influence the Master has); and for another, the Master knows bloody well that this is true. As much of a monster as he can be, as I've said before - there's just too much history and a twisted sense of respect there for anything darker to happen.

 There's been a lot of talking. An awful lot of talking and calmness from the Master recently. In the end, his emotions towards the Doctor are convoluted and confusing (I would explain more, but in a way I'd like to leave the reader to form their own opinions). The decision the Master makes this chapter pretty much speaks for itself, but have no doubt that the Doctor's risky comment about Lucy will come back to bite him in the none-too-distant future.

 I know I spend a lot of time on facial expressions. This is due to the fact that when it comes to the Doctor and the Master, a lot of their emotions are shown purely through their faces, tone, or body language. What they say doesn't always meet up with how they say it, and with these two there's always more to the words than meet the eye.

 As for further chapters, we are extremely close to the end of this phase of memories. Either next chapter or the one after will bring us to the more... ahem... intimate side of their relationship. (Although I should warn you -  we're about to enter a semi- dark and twisty stage in it. Nothing awful (I refuse to degrade either character that way - for reasons that the Doctor will finally be explaining in the next interlude), but we are leaving fluff-ville for a little while. As much as I long to write these two fluffy as hell, I have too much respect for the Doctor and the Master to make them out of character. This is, after all, written as canon, and there are some parts of this very very odd relationship that need addressing...)

 Thanks so much for reading. Until next chapter.

Chapter Thirty Two

It would have been so very easy to turn this whole scenario into something unpleasant. Too easy. While the Master may be an insane megalomaniac with a god-complex, I never saw any reason to turn him into a different kind of monster. From all the evidence I've ever seen, there's too much respect between the Master and the Doctor for something like that to happen. Trying to kill each other is one thing (or the occasional amount of physical violence, as we all know), but taking that... other direction would take him beyond any kind of redemption.

 This scene takes us a little bit more into their history, if only a very small amount. It also sees the power struggle between the two hit a more complex, personal level. It isn't about saving the world at this point - that's Martha's job - it's about survival, on a mental and physical level. It's also about the Doctor's slowly growing ability to understand the way the Master works.

 The next few chapters will see the Master and the Doctor swapping power plays. If I can get it right, I'll also be going into the workings of the Doctor's mind, too. So far, it's been the Master who we've been struggling to understand, but the fact is that both of them have incredibly complex histories, and the Master isn't the only one with a (canon) skeleton in his closet.

 Link to the chapter is HERE

Chapter Thirty One

Playing with these characters is both infuriating and satisfying. Trying to get their voices right in situations that have never been seen before can be extremely stressful - at least for me. When you care about characters (and I only ever write about characters I care about) you want to represent them as true to form as possible. The Master is exceptionally tricky, considering we only see him in five episodes, whereas we had four years to study and understand the Doctor. All a fanfiction writer can do is hope that their story represents the characters as well as they're capable of.

Whew. Anyway.

 This was sort of fun. I always loved the way the Doctor managed to manipulate almost hopeless situations to his advantage: no weapons, no technology, just a very very over-active mouth. The relationship between Master and Doctor has always been a sort of push and pull situation, and this just goes to show that even under immense stress the Doctor can still wrong-foot the Master and try to take control.

And yes, I do talk about my writing as if it's actually happening. As far as I'm concerned, if you don't at least try to convince yourself a little that what you're writing is realistic, it loses it's spark.

Do you want to steal a Tardis?

Okay, I don't normally do this - I like to just talk about my writing, but this is just... fantabulous (is that a word? It is now) on so many levels. It made me grin.

Enjoy.

Chapter Thirty

Okay, this is now vying for first position in my head as Best Chapter. Granted, it's not a side to the Master we usually see (not at this point, anyway), but I honestly honestly believe that it's canon. There were flickers of it in The Sound of Drums - just moments; but the presence of the Doctor for such an extended amount of time - someone who knows him so well - would be bound to bring it out of him eventually.

Some people may say I'm writing him too soft at the moment, but that's not true - keep reading, and you'll see I know what I'm doing. This story would not be interesting if the characters stayed in the same state of mind all the way through.

 Seriously, though, It's just nice to get inside the characters' heads once in a while. The Master is so wound up in his own little mind games most of the time that we don't get to see what lies under the surface. This is just one of those moments where the walls come down. Yay for angst.

"I didn't try hard enough." - I've been waiting chapters to get that line in. Back in chapter 19 we got a hint of that sentiment, but for the Doctor to openly come out and say it is on a whole new level.

Basically - finally - the characters are starting to reconnect on more than a physical level. How long it's going to last I won't say, but fleshing these characters out for prose means that you have to delve deeper than what's shown on the TV and see what could be underneath.

The greatest example of the change in relationship is this: Looking back at the first few chapters, would the Doctor ever have dared to say that final line? (Which, by the way, I grinned at while I was writing it - it's so very him).

Link to the chapter can be found HERE

Oh, and just because I'm a geek and a showoff - I thought I'd share one of my birthday presents with you. Yay.

Chapter Twenty Nine

Edit:  The final line has been changed. I felt a bit uncomfortable with it (I get uncomfortable with weird little things). Originally the Doctor said: 'If nothing had changed, I'd be dead.' which isn't really what I wanted: the Doctor and the Master have always had this connection, and the Master is still dangerous and insane. Of course it's the same, it's just that both of them have finally given in to what they feel (er... sort of).

 The line now reads 'I didn't say it had; but that doesn't stop me from being right.' Simple change, but important to me - it indicates that everything that's coming to the surface now has always been there, just hidden under all the enmity.

Finally we're getting back into that connection. I'm so glad to be back in private with these two - they interact so beautifully on a one-to-one basis.

I must admit, though, that I am having a little trouble tempering the Master at the moment - while I know what's going on in his head, it's difficult treading that fine line between his two extremes.

I'm also glad to be going into their back story a bit. The only tiny problem I had with the Master arc in the reboot was the lack of reference to his previous regenerations. Obviously, post-Time War the two characters would be different (there is no way they wouldn't be suffering from PTSD), but it's still nice to give a nod to what has gone before. It always did make me smile in reminiscence when the Doctor said 'The Master always was sort of hypnotic...'

 Anyway, the Doctor and the Master are now firmly back in privacy for the time being. Depending on how the scene flows, this phase of the story is drawing to its close. After this, things really begin to pick up pace

...'Running. Lots and lots of running'...

Chapter Twenty Eight

Now that the irritation of Season Eight is out of the way (see the previous entry for the link to my opinion on the whole horrific situation. Beware if you're in America, though - spoilers!) I can get back to some proper work.

 If you've been hanging around Fanfiction.net, you may know that this chapter has been rewritten several times. I now have several grey hairs, in fact, due to the stress this one has caused me. I knew the set points I wanted to get across, but having the Doctor non-vocal for a whole chapter while the Master talked to himself was difficult at best. Normally when I write them, they spark off each other. This time, I had no material to work with except the Master's little soliloquy.

 The little line about torture was an empty threat, in case anybody was wondering. While I admit that before this regeneration it might have been a possibility, by this point the Master's insanity and emotions have become far too complex.

 The first time I watched Utopia/The Sound of Drums/Last of the Timelords I paid a huge amount of attention to Simm's facial expressions (he is a fabulous actor). Even when he was mocking and vain, you could still see the way the Master reacted to the Doctor - almost afraid of what he might do/say/see.

Obviously we know that the Timelords have telepathy (see The Girl in the Fireplace for an example), and I wanted to show the Master's fear - the Doctor's ability to scare him, even when he's bound and gagged.

When I'm writing my version of the Master, there are a lot of conflicting ideas inside that corrupted head of his, but when I'm trying to get into his character there's a single statement that keeps recurring. As melodramatic as it might sound I imagine him shouting it furiously inside his head:

MAKE IT STOP

I'm not saying that's literally what goes through his head, but from a writer's perspective, those three words pretty much sum up all the anger, confusion and downright fury that is the Master.

Chapter Twenty Seven

This chapter doesn't really need much of a justification. All that needs to be said is that it brings the Master and the Doctor back into privacy - something that I've been longing to do for a number of chapters.

I don't want to go too much into character motivations for this scene, as that would constitute spoilers for what is to come.

Sorry for the short post - I'm sick, and I'm terribly terribly sad about what has happened in the Season 8 Finale tonight. I won't spoil it for you, but if you're not spoiler-shy you can read my perspective on things HERE

 Seriously, I can't thank you enough for the support so far.

Chapter Twenty Six

Another shortie. Unfortunately time constraints are conspiring against me at the moment. I have to fit these chapters in around my other work. Ugh.

 This one was fairly easy to write. Sometimes characters come easily to me, this was one of those times. It makes a nice change from struggling with characters' mental processes and speech, deliberating over every word I write.

 That little snippet at the end is one of my favourite moments so far (although Chapter 19 still stands as my favourite overall). The Master's insanity is something I understand quite well, but putting it into words on a page can be difficult. The Doctor, however, is the perfect person to vocalise that. He can say it so much better than I ever could.

 I always feel a bit odd about letting characters cry. With some characters it feels like I'm forcing them into emotions they wouldn't normally feel. The Doctor is the exception: he cried on numerous occasions (a very manly cry, I might add). While other people might feel that this is a bit melodramatic, in my opinion it's completely in character. He's a sensitive guy, and watching someone who means so much to you kill millions of people in a fit of madness is enough to make even the most manly man weep like a baby.

 I'm rather glad to say that we're getting slowly back into Master/Doctor territory now. The next chapter should bring to an end the public display of insanity and move us back into the relationship between the two.

 Thank you, guys, for reading all my weird little rants so far. Sometimes it's nice to just talk about the fanfiction - if I wrote all this in footnotes, people would get very very pissed off. You're welcome to PM me, leave comments etc. if you want to ask me anything, or just have a chat - I don't bite.

Link to the chapter is here: Chapter 26

Editing Chapter 24

So I went back and re-wrote the scene between Jack and the Doctor. It was horribly short, and I felt uncomfortable leaving it so 'empty'.

 This little argument was coming eventually, anyway. I just wasn't sure where to put it before. Now, though, I think it fits quite well. It adds a bit of substance to the relationship between them - up until now, Jack has been a bit quiet. He may be traumatised, but he's still Jack.

The rewritten version is now live and available here: Lost Boys Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty Five

Ah, bondage. What is a good slash fanfiction without bondage?

Another short chapter, but thankfully nowhere near as short as the last one. The Doctor and the Master needed a moment. They've been at each other's throats for several chapters, so it's a good reminder that not all is what it seems, even if it is a little twisted.

Personally, I think that the Master has a thing about degrading the Doctor to make himself feel more superior - for example in The End of Time when he's strapped him into that chair, and turning him into an old man in The Sound of Drums. I'm also pretty sure there's a lot of internal conflict on the Master's part about just what the Doctor means to him - is he an equal or just someone else to mess with? A lot of the Master's madness is self-destructive and conflicting, hence the mood swings: Part of him knows he's in the fast lane to hell, but the other half of him embraces it. It's only when the Doctor is added to the mix that he starts to question what he's doing, which is why he's always trying to keep him quiet.

 Anyway. Yes. Updates.

 Updates - as you've probably guessed by now - are sporadic and random. I can't guarantee when the next chapter will be up. It all depends on when I have free time (or the obsession to write this drives out everything else).

 Please do leave a review when you read. I hate to admit it, but my fanfiction tends to... lose its fire if people don't let me know what they think. I know I say it all the time, but: they really do help. It's nice to hear from people who are reading, it means I'm not alone.

See you next chapter!

Turkaholic

Chapter Twenty Four

I'm sorry this is so short. I don't like posting really short chapters, it makes me feel bad; but as of tomorrow I really have to start on uni work, and I wanted to upload this moment. I hate having half-finished chapters sitting on my desktop.

 Jack and 'future' Doctor still have their own plot to work through (not a romantic one, don't worry), so I keep having to step back from the main plot to address them. Sometimes I hate having to do it, but occasionally - like this scene - it's nice to take a break from the madness that is life with the Master, and work with Jack, who is a lot more grounded.

 I don't really have a lot to say about this - it is a horribly short chapter - but I like to have moments where the Doctor is... well... the Doctor, and not being mentally barraged by the Master's insanity.

 If you've followed a link from AFF or FF, thanks for reading, and sticking with me so far. If you've stumbled on this blog and would like to read what I've got so far, you can find it here: Lost Boys on Fanfiction.net
(Homosexuality, violence, and sex await you on the other side of that link. Don't like, don't touch!)

 Oh, and just as a teaser: next chapter will have handcuffs (no I'm not kidding).

Lost Boys - Chapter Twenty Two/ Three

Since this was one single scene, I didn't want to write two separate entries about it. I split it into two for dramatic effect (besides which, it would have been horribly long if I'd simply posted it as one).

 Before you ask - yes, there will be more sex in this story, but let me tell it my way, ok? I know what I'm doing... sometimes.

 This was a bit of a struggle. I've gotten into the habit now of writing the Doctor and the Master alone, but suddenly there were five voices to address, each one of them important. I'm sorry to say that Tish was the one that suffered because of this. I simply didn't have enough time or room to include her greatly in the conversation, which is a shame: she's the one person in this scene who is actually on the Doctor's 'side'.

 Bringing the Doctor and the Master out of their little bubble had to be done. If I'd been writing a short, pwp scene then I wouldn't have gone down this road, but I'm writing about the whole year, here. While I can't help but see the Master as a sympathetic character, considering where his madness came from, I'm also acutely aware of the fact that the Master's dark, almost nihilistic side needs addressing if I'm going to represent him accurately. The Doctor, too, needed to show his strengths, since they've been so absent in the first two phases of the story. It's all about balance.

 It took much longer for us to get up those steps and look out of the window than I'd expected. Maybe I spent a bit too much time in conversation, but I needed it to flow coherently. Besides, it's fun to see the characters interact in public for a change.

Characterisation bothers me a lot. I spend a lot of time thinking about what the characters would really say in certain situations, which almost makes me tear my hair out. Sometimes you just have to plunge forward and hope for the best, or nothing would ever get written.

 I know there were some who were expecting this fic to be nothing but sex scenes, but I'm sorry - that's not the way I work. I write about characters. Yes, ok, I write sex and romance too, but it's the characters that count. And if I had kept the Doctor and the Master cooped up in that room for the whole story, it would have gotten repetitive and boring. It would have also been insulting to the Doctor's character to keep him as the Master's submissive pet. He's so much more than that, and the Master knows it.


Anyway, forgive the rant. Sometimes I feel like I need to explain what I'm doing, since I write in a style that I hardly ever see on fanfiction websites (that's not putting other fics down, it's just that I know I write differently). One thing that irks me about fanfiction websites is that they generally only let you post two genres (For example: Lost Boys is registered as 'Romance/Tragedy') when in fact things are so much more complex than that. Actually, the whole genre thing is a bit irritating. Good stories are good stories, no matter what they're pidgeon-holed as.

 Moving on, the burning of Japan is a turning point (for... reasons. Spoilers, sweetie), so we needed it in there. I like to keep my stories fairly canon, and we know for a fact that this happened.

 The Master and the Doctor will get more of their moments, I promise. Just let me revel in the Master's insanity for a while longer.

Turkaholic

Lost Boys - Chapter Twenty One

Now that was fun. I can't deny I get swept up in the Master's pure insane joy when I write him in this mood. I feel like I've had about 20 shots of espresso.

 ...My insanity aside, I enjoyed this chapter for several reasons:

• We get to see Francine and Tish Jones. I loved Martha's dysfunctional family. I wanted to include them more in the Year that Never Was, since we know they, too, had a rather traumatic year. I also always liked the fact that the Doctor could never charm Francine the way he could other people. Tension (not sexual, thankfully) between those two will continue for a while longer.
• We get to see more of Lucy. So far we've not seen much of her. While she doesn't have much speech (her husband has enough to say for both of them) we do at least get to see her interacting with the Master as a wife. Lucy's character sometimes gets ignored by fanfiction, since she's quiet and sort of gets drowned out by the charisma of the Master. Nonetheless, she's a brilliantly interesting character: complex and disturbed. Let's face it, though: if you'd seen the human race cannibalise themselves at the end of time, you'd be rather disturbed too. I always thought of her as the anti-Martha; just like the Doctor and the Master are polar opposites. Lucy will play a large part in things to come (expected and unexpected) so it's about time we began to see more of her.
• We're finally free of that little white room for a while!
• The Master's domination of Earth takes centre stage!

I'm really glad I'm getting to write the characters in conflict for a while again. There's something just a little bit glorious about the Master and the Doctor when they go head-to-head. It doesn't change how they feel, but it puts across the point that what is going on between them isn't simple or easy. It's tough, complex and nearly a millennium old.

 There is still a great deal for me to write before this is done, but with November fast approaching my head is full of deadlines, and this is going to slow my writing down enormously. Christmas holidays should see me speed up once more, but until then please be patient and leave me reviews if you can! I read them all, and they mean a lot.

 In the meantime, thank you so much for the support you've given me so far. Bear with me - if I can write this story well, it should be:

If you've followed a link from FF or AFF, thank you so much for looking. If you've stumbled on this blog, and would like to read the story, you can find it here: Lost Boys on Fanfiction.net
 (Please be aware this has graphic sexual content, homosexuality and violence. If that's not your thing, fair enough, don't click!)


Also, this might be a good time to address something that bothers me:
This fanfiction is in no way about sexualising David Tennant or John Simm. What I'm writing is a testament to two characters, played by two magnificent actors who I hold in extremely high regard for what they did (and are still doing - being brillant at their jobs). I appreciate that Tennant and Simm are not the Doctor and the Master, but they brought them to life in a way that absolutely enthralled me. What I'm writing is out of love for the characters they played. That they happen to be the faces I imagine on the characters doesn't mean I can't distinguish between the two. If you ever meet one of these amazing gentlemen, make sure you give them the love (not too much - don't be creepy!) and respect they deserve.

Love, Turks and Timelords

Turkaholic x

Lost Boys - Chapter 20

A short burst of exposition, but needed to clarify a few things before the story moves on. The next phase of the story takes us (finally) outside that little white room, and pushes us back into the Master's insane domination of Earth, so adding this just backs up a few points about the Master's mental state to bear in mind as we move on.

 Sometimes I get so far into my characters' heads that I forget that some things need to be explained. To me, the Doctor and the Master - their connection and what goes on in their heads - is so clear that I feel like they should be self-explanatory. Adding little snippets like this amends that problem to an extent.

While I have an extremely firm grip on my plotline, and know almost definitely where I want it to go, details of the scenes grow in my head slowly. When the scene's finished in my head, I get the urge to write it down immediately. This is why this scene is so short (sorry about that), since the scene after this one hasn't developed. I would rather post a short, well-developed scene than struggle with a long, unplanned one.

See you all next chapter!

Lost Boys - Interlude II

"It's not about the sex, is it?"

 No it's not. It never has been, for me. I don't write so that I can manoeuvre characters into a situation where they have sex. When you're writing about the connection between two characters - male or female - sex is generally part of that connection. In fact as far as characters like the Master or Tseng are concerned, it's one of the rare occasions when we get to see something other than what they show to the world at large. While I admit the Master presents me trickier material to work with - he is, after all, still insane - if I'd skipped out on the sex scenes we would never have seen those slight differences. Jack's right - it's not about the sex itself (even if I do take a vast amount of glee in writing the dirty bits) it's about seeing that connection on a visceral level. How people interact in the bedroom can be completely different to how they interact in public, as is the case in Lost Boys.

But I'm rambling. The second interlude brings to a close the second phase of the story. The idea of including 'future' Doctor and Jack was a necessity, but I'm hoping it worked: if I had simply stuck to the 'main' plot, I don't think it would have been as effective. We needed an outside view to make sense of what was happening, since a lot of what happens/ has happened between the two Timelords is unspoken. Both of them are far too stoic to admit a lot of what happens.

I hadn't originally wanted it to be Jack. When I first thought about writing the story, I'd imagined the story being explained to Donna, who (even if she'd slapped him first) would have been a bit more understanding. (Apart from Rose, Donna was the only person who the Doctor ever 'talked' to properly - See 'The Doctor's Daughter' for what I'm on about). When it came to writing it, though, bringing back Donna would have taken far too much explanation and would have detracted from the main plot. Jack was the next best thing, especially post-Torchwood Jack. The loss of Ianto gave me feels, yaknow? And after Ianto, I feel that Jack would be a lot less loud, and a lot more sympathetic with what he was seeing.

The scenes in the TARDIS also give me (and the characters) breathing space - a chance for some exposition that won't pull us out of the memories we're watching. Some stuff needs clarifying - like the Master's drums, the effect of the Archangel Network, and Jack's thoughts, which we don't have much time to consider during the memories.

The next chapter will probably be a little while. Not too long, but certainly not within the next few days. Deadlines loom for uni work, and I need to get out of the Master's/ Doctor's head and back into my own. In the meantime, I can't over-exaggerate the importance to me of receiving reviews. They mean so much - always have, and always will. I don't get paid for writing fanfiction, but the best payment I could ever hope for are reviews from the readers.

 On a vaguely related note, I have an incredibly visual imagination, and often think about what my stories would look like on screen. Music is a massive motivator for this. I even think about trailers, and how they'd look and sound. At the moment, if I was to make a trailer for Lost Boys, the music would most definitely be Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Lorde. The words are almost perfect for what I've got in mind. I recommend it in any case. Amazing song.

 Thanks for reading. If you've followed a link from AFF or FF, thanks so much for your support. If you'd like to read Lost Boys, you can find it here: Lost Boys on Fanfiction.net

I'll see you all next chapter!

Lost Boys - Chapter Nineteen

This just goes to show you how bizarrely polar my reactions to my writing can be. Last chapter was painful to write. This one - which I'd never even planned to put in - felt right from the moment I started typing it.

This is my favourite chapter so far: The Master and the Doctor, having one of those rare little moments where they actually talk about their past. I'm a little bit in love with it, even if I do say so myself.

 The conversation seemed to flow out of nowhere, like it sometimes does. The Master and the Doctor in conversation excites me more than the sex scenes sometimes. Maybe that makes me odd; but these are the chapters that make me want to write. Those moments when the characters just spark off each other. It makes my little black heart jump in elation.

 I did, however, feel bad that there was no Jack and 'future' Doctor snippet in this scene, but I didn't want to break the flow. Jack will be back in the next chapter.

 I have nothing else really to say about this chapter, except for two things:

• I wrote this chapter entirely to the track 'I Believe in Him' from the Torchwood OST. Depending on how you perceive the scene it might not suit, but it suited the mood perfectly for me. I highly recommend the Torchwood OST as writing music, anyway.
• This is the end of the 'second' phase of the story, which makes it a perfect time to take a break. The next chapter won't be up until the weekend. Uni work has to take priority, unfortunately.

If you've come here from FF or AFF, thanks for reading this, and sticking with me so far.
If you've stumbled on this blog and would like to read it, you can find it here: Lost Boys on Fanfiction.net
(Sex, Homosexuality and Violence. Don't say I didn't warn you.)

Lost Boys - Chapter Eighteen

This was a difficult one. The characters were in such strange mental states that putting realistic words into their mouths was painful. We'd just had a sex scene that was pretty much wordless, and it seemed about time we had some more of that Doctor/Master talk. The trouble was: what would the Master honestly say?

 He's crazy
 He's sadistic
 He's confused
 He's in love

 ....and about a billion other emotions which I couldn't even begin to describe.

 I tried writing him as dominant and mocking. It didn't fit. He'd just saved the Doctor's mind, after all, even if it was in a very undignified way. Having him loving and tender would have sent shudders up my spine. If anything could be out of character, it would be that.

 So where to go? How do you show that the Master actually cares, without turning him into something disgustingly un-Masterly?

 Besides which, the Doctor had been too submissive for too long - doing as he was told. Okay, to a point, but it was time for a turnaround: he was back on his feet, back in a sane state of mind, ready to fight again. How to make him react to what he had just done?

 I went for the middle ground.

 The Master was dominating, but vulnerable. The Doctor got his speech, indicating a turnaround, and the confusion in the Master showed he actually gave a flying toss. The end of the chapter got re-written at least six times, purely to get the right expression and tone in the Master's face and voice. It went from sadness to mocking, and finally that ambivalent little flyaway comment: "We're going for a walk."

 My rule of thumb with the Master and the Doctor is: if you can't imagine the words in their own voice, it's out of character. This applies to a lot of TV and film fanfiction. The intonation, the expression, everything has to be as if the actors playing it were there. (This doesn't generally apply to sex scenes, but even then I tend to imagine a bit too explicitly, sounds and all. I'm not sure Tennant and Simm would approve. Oh well.). Getting that last line right was a nightmare. Five little words took me about half an hour. Ugh.


 I really hope I made the right decision. The next chapter is still ghosting around in my head. It's an extra that I never intended to write, but it seemed appropriate: the Doctor has been stuck in that room far too long. He needs a change of scenery, and the Master needs to get back into his beautifully twisted 'normal' state of mind.


If you've not read it and you'd like to, you can find it here: Lost Boys on Fanfiction.net
(Please be aware that there are scenes of graphic sex, homosexuality and violence. If that's not your thing, why are you even here?)
If you've followed a link from FF or AFF, then thanks for reading my anxious little rant. I hope reading this hasn't been too much of a waste of your time.

Welcome

This blog is new. Brand-spanking new. I've been writing fanfiction for over ten years, and never found an outlet for the frustration; the agony; the absolute awe-inspiring bliss that comes with a new chapter.

 Think I'm exaggerating? I'm not. Taking borrowed characters - either from screen, game or book - and making them act, walk and talk like the real thing inspires everything from anger and misery, to manic laugh-out-loud enthusiasm. Maybe that's just me, but I can't help wondering if anybody else out there feels the same way.

 The blog I'm starting here means that I now have an outlet for this, and hopefully a readership that understands - or will understand - the paradoxes (or is it paradoxi?) that come with taking borrowed characters and putting words in their mouth. The basic problem with this should be obvious: when you write with someone else's characters, you're playing with fire. You're putting words into their mouths, actions into their hands, that have never been seen before. I find myself constantly and frustratingly asking myself: 'is this in character? Would Reno/ The Doctor / whoever honestly say that?'

 The trouble is that there is nobody to answer that question. Characters are fairly liquid. What (let's say it's the Doctor, since that's what I'm working on now) the Doctor says; how he reacts to a situation is just one of several, wildly different reactions he could possibly have. When the Master walks into the room, does the Doctor stay silent? Does he get frustrated? Does he make one of those oh-so-wordy speeches and try to convince the Master that what he's doing is wrong? All are plausible, and we only get to make one choice. I've rewritten scenes of 2000 painfully thought out words and replaced them with a piffling 700 just because of this. I've written the same chapter five times, with the Doctor's mental states as far apart as furious and completely broken. Hovering over the 'upload' button can take minutes of consternation.

 Therefore, this blog - at least for now - will be acting as an anguish-breaker. If that means that I have to weep over my keyboard, and write about how painful it was to write the last chapter, so be it. Whether it interests other people or not depends on whether you write fanfiction, or read my stories. Maybe this is a pompous thing to do, but I honestly have a passion for fanfiction, and having this outlet will make it that much easier; and my choices in my stories easier to understand, for anyone who is interested.